Midnight Star Gazing & Being on Oprah

I have a creak in my neck. That’s because I just spent the past 45 minutes staring up into the clear night sky looking at that big bright harvest ball and the tiny holes in the floor of heaven. It’s a funny thing, the moon, just hanging up there chillin’, so oblivious to all of us down here running around like chickens at the slaughter. I bet it is really cold on the moon, no gases to trap in the heat from the sun. I bet it’s a bit lonely too. I tried really hard to find the man on the moon, but he’s an elusive little sucker. If I was the man on the moon (lets call him MOM for short) I would have jumped off and out into space a long time ago, and hoped to be lucky enough to find someone else mucking about in outer space.

But the creak in my neck reminds me that I am stuck on planet Earth, along with the rest of humanity (save maybe a few Russians, our boys over at NASA and, of course, MOM). It’s not too bad most of the time. We have things like movie theaters and 24 hr fast food drive thrus to keep me occupied (and don’t forget Wal-Mart!).

There are times I get tired of the monotony though, the mundane. That is why I’d like to be rich. The rich have no excuse for being bored. They have the money to do whatever they want! I’m poor, sort of. Not in the “I’m dieing of malnutrition and lack of water” sort of way, but more in the “I fall into the lower middle class” sort of way. That’s why I can spend forty five minutes staring up into space when its 45 degrees outside. We poor people have to find ways to entertain ourselves, and the rich sure as heck aren’t going to do it for us. They are too busy not being bored with their fancy dinner parties and romantic get-a-ways. I’m going to be rich some day, for writing nonsensical crap like this. But I’ll be fine with that because I won’t be bored anymore.

If I become rich enough, I might even make a trip into space to meet MOM. I’m sure he’ll want a change in scenery and want to come back to Earth with me, and I’ll probably let him. It’d be the polite thing to do. He’d probably be really popular here on Earth, being the man on the moon and all. Everybody is always talking about him anyway, whenever the moon is brought into conversation. And plus, I’d become really famous for bringing MOM back with me. I’d be on the five o’clock news and Oprah. The reporters would ask me about how I found him and ask MOM about how exciting it is to be on Earth after all those years on the moon. Oprah would sit me and MOM down on her comfy couch and laugh as we shared our stories. Near the end of the show, after MOM shows Oprah how to make really good cheese and Oprah gives it to the audience as that shows gift give-a-way, she’d make some really profound comment on our whole experience together, MOM and I. Viewers at home would cry a little and say things like, “Oh! Isn’t that wonderful,” and “Can you believe that actually happened?!”

Yes, that is what I’d do if I were rich. That is what I would do so that I wouldn’t get bored.

There is one other thing I do when I get bored… sleep. I’m slightly bored right now (can you tell?), so I think that is what I am going to do.