A Staring Match With God

God has a sense of humor, and sometimes it is at my expense. I’m goofy by design. Things come out of my mouth before I have the time to realize how silly they sound. I worked in construction a while back and discovered how uncoordinated I truly am. I’d be off day dreaming about standing on mountains and running through valleys, then realize I’d installed a cabinet door up-side down or mis-measured the lengths for a door frame, after building the frame. Not only did God let out a little laugh, my work crew did too.

There is a darker side to God’s humor though. One I am all too familiar with. It comes out in the form of discipline towards my hardened heart when He is calling me back to intimacy after I’ve wondered off to pursue less passionate lovers and less satisfying pleasures.

God is constantly working on the hearts of his people. Sometimes breaking, sometimes mending. Sometimes molding and sometimes holding. Personally, He’s breaking me… again. Pride has slipped in, bitterness has taken root and the pain that has caused these things has led to numbness. God’s work in me is repetitious and comes in cycles. I cannot count the number of spiritual heart surgeries I’ve had, but its been a few. I’m not really a fan of them, but every time He’s finished I’m thankful. Its like an extension on life. We sometimes call it grace and it is very sufficient, even if it is painful.

I think it is cool that God is jealous after me like this. It is intimidating though, and I resist it. Yet somehow I find myself in a boxing ring. I’m all alone, sitting in a folding chair in the center of the ring. All the lights are out, save one dim yellow bulb hanging overhead that casts a pale glow all around. There is an empty chair across from me. I hear footsteps in the dark as a silent God approaches. I am anything but calm. My insides tremble violently, but I don’t show it. I just breathe slowly and smoothly. God steps into the ring, but I look away, as if I don’t notice Him. He sits in the chair facing me and waits. And waits. And waits.

Then it begins. I turn my head slowly and catch His eyes. I stare at Him, unflinchingly, as He stares into me. Cold and calculating, I have prepared for this, to resist to the death. Unmoved by the piercing gaze of heaven. Surely He cannot love me, will not love me this much.

Unmeasured time passes while an invisible, unnoticed audience of heaven holds their breath in anticipation, though they already know the outcome. They’ve seen it all before. The watching and the waiting are only penance to witness this glorious struggle.

They are as not to me, however. I’m focused on fortifying my wall of will against the battering ram of God’s gaze, tender and patient though it is. He speaks to me in His silence, softly and firmly, “You are mine.” I remain stoic and steadfast. “You’re more than you think, you are mine.” Tired of His approach I lean back from being hunched over, elbows on my knees. I cross my arms but never lose His unbreakable stare. How long will he continue on with this.

Then something happens. Maybe because of my shift in position, something gets caught in my throat. I clear it out and remain resolute in my aim, to out-will the love of God. More time passes, though I barely blink at the breaking of the Lord. Again His silence speaks, “You are more because of me and you are mine.” I sigh a little, breathing out an air of indigence into the face of undeterred grace.

Yet God presses on. Now He leans forward, elbows to His knees, with an increased intensity and startling boldness. Unsettled by His move I waver a little, unsure of how not to respond. The mounting tension begins to affect me and it is harder to hold on to my futile resistance. He speaks again, only this time audibly with ferocious veracity and fierce determination, “You are my child whom I have made, I have crafted, I have called. Unmoved is my resolve and ever will it be, my boundless and endless love for the one I have called my own.” He stands to His feet with his exploding words ringing in my ears, “You, son of God, are mine and I love you.” Shattered are my defenses and broken is my heart. I fall uncontrollably to the floor of the ring, pushing my chair back, out of the light. Tears pour from my eyes that can no longer gaze into His, but I undoubtedly see His heart and am completely undone by its gaze. I’m moved to utter collapse by the powerful love of a gracious God, who picks me up and restores my contrite soul.

This is the God I know, the God I serve, the God I love. I’m often shocked by His majesty and even more dismayed by His unending love for me and concern for the condition of my heart even in the face of my rejection and blasphemy. If I had one prayer tonight it would be the words of a poet, John Donne:

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,
Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

Who Is God, Actually?

A.K.A... the most insightful thing I've ever written, ever.

Note: I have to thank my buddy Chad for helping me find scripture that has lead to these conclusions and his father Chip for posing the question to me in the first place.

“Is the Holy Spirit a person,” I was asked tonight. It is an interesting question if you think about it. Go past your immediate response and consider the options. First we must define what it means to be a person. To me, in context with being a human being, a person is defined by a three-fold combination of body (our physical selves), soul (our mind, will, and emotions), and spirit (that metaphysical quality that is beyond the mind’s full comprehension because it is not a part of it). My faith obviously dictates this belief. Our being made in God’s image (see Gen 1:26) is reflected, in part, by our three part identity. Just as God himself is a combination of three entities (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), he made us to function as a whole composed three separate, yet dependant members.

Of course this philosophy of humanness raises many questions, some of which I don’t have answers for. Such as, “is an individual handicapped by mental retardation or comatose not considered a human person?” A legitimate concern for another time, as my purpose is to discuss the character of God, not of man.

If our three-part being is a reflection of our Creator, then mustn’t our Creator also be of three parts? Scripture is clear in its explanation of God as a three-part being. And it is no more evident and beautifully revealed than in Matt. 3:16-17:

When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Return to Genesis 1:26. God is hinting at this truth from the very beginning. Notice how, when Moses writes about us being created in God’s image, the Lord declares, “Let Us make man in Our image.” The first time I ever read that verse my mind went racing. What is this Us about?! Who is this Our? I thought Christianity was monotheistic. There is only one God, right?

This is why the question of the Holy Spirit as a person becomes so important. If the Holy Spirit is a person, then Jesus is a person and so then the Heavenly Father. That’s three persons, not one. And that is not how the Bible describes God. The concept of God as 3-in-1 is essential to our faith, possibly its most fundamental concept. If this were not true, the whole concept (that’s a bad term here) of Christianity would unravel.

In the early days of the Church, in order to reverently present the image of God, painters used icons and symbols to express the concept of the trinity. An angel from heaven (representative of the Father) would be looking down upon the Christ-child Jesus who is reaching for a dove (the Holy Spirit). We’ve all seen the image of the three equal-sized circles interlocking with each other. Early disciples understood the relevance of this concept of a triune God, and we would fare well to do likewise.

Let’s talk about this triune God. We associate different aspects of our God with each part of God, and that is because each part serves a different function. Often we view the Father in Heaven as a mighty disciplinarian. He is who we think of when we hear, “Fear the Lord your God!” This part of God is active throughout the Old Testament; leading, judging, and guiding the people of Israel. We encounter this part of God with Moses at the burning bush and, in the new testament, Paul on the road to Damascus. Then there is the Holy Spirit. Its grand entrance (literally) can be found in Acts 2:1-4. The disciples are empowered by the Holy Spirit to do with work of the Lord. Christ referred to the Holy Spirit as the great comforter and empowerer. Then there is Jesus Christ himself, existing before the dawn of time (Prov. 8:22-31), coming to Earth as a baby, living, dieing, then raising again. But they are all a part of one ultimate supreme being, the 3-in-1, as it were.

I remember being a kid and thinking how dangerously silly God was for coming to earth as a baby. I pictured Him jumping down from heaven, into Mary’s womb, and then popping out as close to Christmas as He could, all the while leaving the great heavenly war against the Devil practically unattended, save Michael and Gabriel, who could hardly be expected to handle everything on their own (especially since I ordered them to watch over me as I slept every night). I was always afraid that things were going to run amuck in the heavenlies while Jesus was waiting to grow up in human form for He only knows what reason. It didn’t make since to me and now I understand why. When Mom told me Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Big Papa were all the same person my little kid brain couldn’t processes the whole idea if the 3-in-1.

Next to consider is the fact that each part of God is equally important. This creates a balance to God that allows righteousness, forgiveness and freedom to become the central qualities in the lives of believers. The righteousness of the Father is upheld by the forgiveness afforded by the Son to pave the way for freedom and power in the Holy Spirit. Think again of the three interlocking circles to better make my point. Scripture is full of Jesus exalting His Father. And He is endlessly explaining to the disciples that He must leave so the Spirit can come. The Father’s heart for his Son is sung throughout scripture and the Holy Spirit is the great glorifier of the Lord. This is beautiful to me. Not just as a concept but as an actuality. It is the greatest expression of unity imaginable (if you can even wrap your mind around it) and reveals the origin of God’s love. The unity among His members is its source, which is why that unity can never be broken and most always be remembered.

And here is where the trouble starts. Just like me as a little kid, a lot of folks’ brains haven’t grown up to where they can understand this essential quality of who God is. Whenever we hear the terms Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, or Heavenly Father, we separate these parts of who God is into individual identities. We conceptualize the different parts of our God without bearing in mind the other two. This is a dangerous game to play. We focus on Christ too often with out considering the Father. We teach about the Spirit while forgetting Christ. And, worst yet, we consider the Father without the Son or the Spirit! Why is this a problem? Anytime we take a part of God out of context with the whole we run the risk of drifting too far to the right or to the left theologically and practically with the way we live out or faith day-to-day. We fall guilty of overemphasizing one aspect of God and over looking another. Instead of a holistic faith we end up with shabby religion and TBN, prosperity gospels and bigitrous attitudes towards those that are different from us. Apply the thought throughout history and it becomes all too clear. The Catholic church just seems corrupt from the every beginning so they don’t count. But think about the Puritans. They focused on the righteousness of God and forgot about the love of Jesus. Conversely, hippy-Christians forgot about His righteousness. Then there are the Charismatics that are so obsessed with the Holy Spirit they are sometimes like, “Jesus Who?” Scariest of all are the Baptist (or we could even say “the moral majority”), who slightly resemble the Puritans, enacting the judgment of God upon heathen persons themselves only more oblivious to what they profess to believe in. Disbanding the trinity in our thinking neuters the gospel because it makes it impossible for the full purpose and work of God to flow through our lives.

I see this in my life everyday. I claim to understand what Jesus was all about and how we should be loving everybody and forgivin’ folks and all that kind of stuff. But sometimes I forget the place of the Father’s discipline and the need for righteousness. Thus, I end up screwing the whole thing up because I get mad at other Christians for not shifting their focus to centralize on Christ like I do. The Holy Spirit I just don’t get so I leave Him out of the picture completely. So I walk around most of the time powerless and without freedom. See how this works (err… doesn’t work)?

My senior quote was Isaiah 6:8, “And I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ‘Whom shall I send, And who will go for US.'” God knows Isaiah is listening, isn’t it funny that in calling His servant He reminds him that God is a trinity? There is another truth to be uncovered here also; to do God’s work effectively we must do it while considering the Father, the Son, and the Spirit because you’re going to need all three of them to chip in if you want to be successful. The next time some starts to spout off about one of the parts (I wish I knew a better word) of God, ask them how it relates to the other two. It will be revolutionizing at best, eye opening at worst.

But back to the original question, “is the Holy Spirit a person?” Good question…

Midnight Star Gazing & Being on Oprah

I have a creak in my neck. That’s because I just spent the past 45 minutes staring up into the clear night sky looking at that big bright harvest ball and the tiny holes in the floor of heaven. It’s a funny thing, the moon, just hanging up there chillin’, so oblivious to all of us down here running around like chickens at the slaughter. I bet it is really cold on the moon, no gases to trap in the heat from the sun. I bet it’s a bit lonely too. I tried really hard to find the man on the moon, but he’s an elusive little sucker. If I was the man on the moon (lets call him MOM for short) I would have jumped off and out into space a long time ago, and hoped to be lucky enough to find someone else mucking about in outer space.

But the creak in my neck reminds me that I am stuck on planet Earth, along with the rest of humanity (save maybe a few Russians, our boys over at NASA and, of course, MOM). It’s not too bad most of the time. We have things like movie theaters and 24 hr fast food drive thrus to keep me occupied (and don’t forget Wal-Mart!).

There are times I get tired of the monotony though, the mundane. That is why I’d like to be rich. The rich have no excuse for being bored. They have the money to do whatever they want! I’m poor, sort of. Not in the “I’m dieing of malnutrition and lack of water” sort of way, but more in the “I fall into the lower middle class” sort of way. That’s why I can spend forty five minutes staring up into space when its 45 degrees outside. We poor people have to find ways to entertain ourselves, and the rich sure as heck aren’t going to do it for us. They are too busy not being bored with their fancy dinner parties and romantic get-a-ways. I’m going to be rich some day, for writing nonsensical crap like this. But I’ll be fine with that because I won’t be bored anymore.

If I become rich enough, I might even make a trip into space to meet MOM. I’m sure he’ll want a change in scenery and want to come back to Earth with me, and I’ll probably let him. It’d be the polite thing to do. He’d probably be really popular here on Earth, being the man on the moon and all. Everybody is always talking about him anyway, whenever the moon is brought into conversation. And plus, I’d become really famous for bringing MOM back with me. I’d be on the five o’clock news and Oprah. The reporters would ask me about how I found him and ask MOM about how exciting it is to be on Earth after all those years on the moon. Oprah would sit me and MOM down on her comfy couch and laugh as we shared our stories. Near the end of the show, after MOM shows Oprah how to make really good cheese and Oprah gives it to the audience as that shows gift give-a-way, she’d make some really profound comment on our whole experience together, MOM and I. Viewers at home would cry a little and say things like, “Oh! Isn’t that wonderful,” and “Can you believe that actually happened?!”

Yes, that is what I’d do if I were rich. That is what I would do so that I wouldn’t get bored.

There is one other thing I do when I get bored… sleep. I’m slightly bored right now (can you tell?), so I think that is what I am going to do.